Autumn teaches us that things end, and we are invited to release and let go.
Years ago, I shared some of my thoughts and reflections about the Serenity prayer and how it has helped me in “letting go” The Serenity Prayer: Changing What I Can – Listening Heart The Serenity Prayer – Accepting what I cannot change – Listening Heart Serenity prayer: . . . and the wisdom to know the difference – Listening Heart
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Niebuhr
I return to these simple and profound words. Although, I’m not a “friend of Bill’s”, I know family and friends who are. Did you know that almost 21 million Americans have at least one addiction, but only 10% receive treatment? Furthermore, social researcher, Brene Brown, said we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.
But what is addiction? “Addiction is a relationship between a person and an object or activity. With addiction, the object or activity becomes increasingly more important while previously important activities become less important. Ultimately, addiction is about the complex struggle between acting on impulse and resisting that impulse. When this struggle is causing suffering related to health, family, work, and other activities of everyday life, addiction might be involved.” https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/what-is-addiction-2-2017061914490
Addiction is an attachment to something, someone or some idea that causes disruption and even suffering. Buddhist philosophy regards attachment as the cause of suffering. According to Buddhism, suffering arises from attaching to desires, people, things, ideas because we create a sense of dependency and expectation which leads to disappointment, frustration, and pain when those attachments are lost.
We attach to social media, to technologies, to food, to scrolling through our devices. We crave attention, acceptance, adulation and the number of “hits” on our social media posts. We hold on to past hurts unable to forgive or forget. We worry about the future. We worry about things about which we have no control.
And we often feel alone and lonely. The latest Healthy Minds Monthly Poll from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) finds that, early in 2024, 30% of adults say they have experienced feelings of loneliness at least once a week over the past year, while 10% say they are lonely every day. Healthy relationships are crucial to our development and our spirits.
Finding balance in our relationships and in our minds and hearts is key. We can end suffering by noticing our cravings and unhealthy attachments. We can open our hands and hold everything loosely and be a curious observer of phenomenon and experiences.
Many writers and organizations and speakers remind us again and again “these are challenging times”. That may be true. Every age has its challenges. I refuse to dwell on the idea that this is a “dark night of the soul”. Several organizations – and spiritual writers – seem “stuck” on the idea this is a dark and dangerous time and continue to wallow in feelings of helplessness.
And so I return to the wisdom of the serenity prayer and ask “what can I control and change? what is out of my control to change? and where can I find wisdom?” I invite you to reflect on these questions.
Recently, I offered the serenity prayer in a social media forum as a way of navigating recent events. I was summarily told I was engaging in “spiritual bypassing”! Huh? Having no idea what this meant I looked it up. Apparently, offering a prayer and encouraging folks to “let go” of what they cannot control is wrong! This term was coined in the 1980s by psychologists to identify a defense mechanism rooted in “religion” to deal with difficult emotions.
Sadly, my suggestion to “let go” of what one cannot control was judged as detrimental and wrong. The incorporation of the serenity prayer into my core values and my prayer during an incredibly difficult time of grief and loss, allowed me to heal and move beyond that darkness ten years ago. My point in sharing the Serenity prayer is rooted in my belief that attachments to outcomes cause suffering. You can only control what you can control. Nothing more.
My invitation to everyone is to lean into difficult emotions, feelings of loss and helplessness. DO NOT allow yourself to be consumed by wallowing in “woe is us” and “it’s the end of life as we know it.” Understand and let go of what you cannot change or control.
Discover what you can change. Ninety-nine percent of the time what you CAN change is yourself.
Blessings ~ Christy
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