Letting Go and Moving On . . .

You can’t get to second base by leaving your foot on first. It’s a fact ball players learn and relearn time and time again. You can’t leave your feet firmly planted on first base. You have to lead off carefully gauging how far you can go without getting picked off. Leading off makes you feel vulnerable and exposed. Progress involves risk. To advance and try to “get home” you have to leave the safety of first base.

It’s like that in the spiritual life. Somehow we manage to advance and find ourselves in a safe place. We’re doing it. With grace, we’ve deepened our prayer, noticed the glory of Creation in nature, or feel a little less alone in the Universe. We’ve gotten to that place and stage where The Mystery is personal and meaningful in a deeper way. We’ve done the work, had a good at bat and now find ourselves at a safe place. For a baserunner, second base is only 90 feet away. For spiritual “runners” the next stage or step seems so much farther. We want to grow and evolve and become who we are called to be yet we don’t want to let go of the security of where we are and what we know.

As I write this, it’s a typical rainy day with mud and muck everywhere. Today’s high school game was cancelled due to rain. Saturday’s opening was a different story. It was a day of sunshine and a win for my favorite team. They played on a turf field at a local college (see photo above). My mom would have loved it. The start of the baseball season is bittersweet. I miss her and feel the closest to her when baseball starts for the local high school team she used to keep score for many years. Saturday was a good day – sunshine and baseball.

Prior to the start of the game, I reflected on those feelings and as I looked on the turf field prior to the game, I had an amazing view looking at first to second base. I’m not sure where I heard or read the saying you can’t get to second by standing on first however, it occurred to me that to move on, to grow and develop spiritually, psychologically and to evolve as a human person, I have to step off first, take a lead and let go of the safety and security of what I know. I have to be willing to run toward something I don’t know yet, haven’t seen and can’t even completely understand.

Liminal space or liminal time is that space and time in between things.
The word liminal comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold – any point or place of entering or beginning. A liminal space is the time between the ‘what was’ and the ‘next.’ It is a place of transition, waiting, and not knowing. Liminal space is where all transformation takes place, if we learn to wait and let it form us.

I’ll say that again – If we learn to wait and let it form us. If we are patient, and if we let go and surrender to the space and time “in between” things. If we are willing to leave the security and safety of first base, we can advance to second and then to third and eventually home.

Questions for reflection: What is holding you on your first base? What do you want to advance toward but are afraid to let go of to get there? What feelings rise up when you imagine letting go of the safety and security of where you are? How do you pray with feelings of vulnerability and exposure? What needs to be transformed in you? Have you experienced liminal space before in your life? Who or what helped you to move on?

Blessings always my friends,

Christy

(This blog is not intended to serve as individual spiritual direction. Spiritual direction or companioning is typically done face to face in a confidential setting. If you would like to explore one on one spiritual direction, or to experience group spiritual direction, please contact me. In the meantime, my hope is that the photos and this blog serve as a pause in your day, food for thought, or just a reminder to breathe in and breathe out all that is holy and good. The Divine Milieu is all around us. Thank you all for your prayers and support.)

Serenity prayer: . . . and the wisdom to know the difference

A mighty oak

“Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” Proverbs 4:6-7

“Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back, and chose the path that leads to wisdom.” – Buddha

Do you seek wisdom? I do – at least I give it the all American college effort. I often ask what is wisdom. How will I know when I am wise? Will people seek my counsel especially those younger than me? Will I eventually know everything about everything? What is wisdom and how do we know we have it?

I often share this story with young people. When I was 18 years old, I thought my father was by far, the dumbest man on the planet. I mean he knew nothing about life and being 18. I, of course, knew EVERYTHING at the age of 18 and shared it often with my father. But, by the time I turned 21, he had learned so much! Seriously though, my father had a quiet way about him and I was never quite sure what he was thinking but I knew he was one smart cookie. He was educated well in an all boys Jesuit high school in the 1930s. He received the equivalent of a college prep/honors education which included two years of Greek, four years of Latin, calculus, college level English, and physics. The man could add, multiply and divide columns of numbers in his head which served to distance us further when I brought home “new math” homework which I didn’t understand and neither did he.

My father died at the age of 66 when I was 27. There was a significant age difference between him and my mother that in some ways may have contributed to the distance I felt. I feel I was just starting to get to know him as a person. If you’ve experienced it, you know it’s that point when you realize your parents are just two human beings trying to do the best they can – just like you. You see them as real. Maybe that is the beginning of wisdom – being able to see parents, teachers and adults you thought were superheroes as fellow human beings on this big blue ball in space who are trying to make sense of it all like you. It’s taking me years to understand what was evolving in my late 20’s. Maybe that is wisdom.

Maybe wisdom is not a magical mystical “thing” I’ll acquire when I get old. I ask for wisdom in my prayer “Divine Mystery, help me to know the difference between those things I can’t change and those things I can”. I’ve blogged previously about the parts of the prayer – accepting what I cannot change https://listening-heart.com/2019/01/12/the-serenity-prayer-accepting-what-i-cannot-change/ and changing what I can https://listening-heart.com/2019/02/02/the-serenity-prayer-changing-what-i-can/ Now I pray for wisdom. I ask for that insight, that knowledge, that knowing in my heart.

What is wisdom? The Greek word is sophia, a feminine noun. I like the idea of wisdom having more feminine qualities. In my prayer, I invite Sophia into my mind and heart and into my space of reflection and meditation. She teaches me and helps me grow in understanding. She nurtures me as a mother nurtures a child. Sometimes her lessons are not easy. I stumble and skin my emotional knee and her “tsk-tsk” shames me but Sophia is there to pick me up and urge me to do better. With her gentleness and compassion I am invited again and again to choose her way – the Wisdom Way.

Earthenware from area of the Dead Sea scrolls

Here are some questions you may wish to sit in meditation with, write about or be creative with (drawing, painting, collage, etc.) What is wisdom? What does it mean to be wise? Where do you find wisdom? Who are your wisdom figures and wisdom teachers? Do you believe you are wise? How do you seek wisdom? What is your prayer for wisdom?

 Where do you find yourself calling upon Sophia? How do you choose wisdom? For what do you long for and seek when you call upon Sophia/Wisdom? Search your current life situation. Where is it that you most need Sophia’s guidance?

Blessings always. Peace and all good,

Christy

(This blog is not intended to serve as individual spiritual direction. Spiritual direction or companioning is typically done face to face in a confidential setting. If you would like to explore one on one spiritual direction, or your faith community or small group would like to experience group spiritual direction, please contact me. In the meantime, my hope is that the photos and this blog serve as a pause in your day, food for thought or just a reminder to breathe in and breathe out all that is holy and good. The Divine Milieu is all around us. Thank you all for your prayers and support.)

The Serenity Prayer: Changing What I Can


Change is hard. Changing ourselves is harder.

Earlier, I shared my thoughts and experiences about accepting what I cannot change. I anticipated I would share my reflections on the part of the serenity prayer “change the things I can” in a week or so. After all, you just “do it”. You make those necessary changes and get on with it.

Easier said than done. With all good intentions that comes with the arrival of a new year, I made efforts to make changes in my habits, ways of thinking, not so positive feelings surrounding myself. I stumbled and tripped a few times over my own good intentions.

For the past few winters, I’ve taken a class of some kind as a way to fend off the blues associated with slate gray Ohio winter skies and to learn something new. I’m a happy camper when I am able to feed my intellect! One year I took a series of astronomy courses at the Cincinnati Observatory https://www.cincinnatiobservatory.org/. In another year, I began Tai Chi classes. Another year, I participated in Reiki training. This year I thought about taking an intermediate photography class but decided spring or summer may be a better time for that. I chose to take a writing course at Women Writing for Change https://www.womenwriting.org/ on the chance that it might help me design questions and prompts for blog followers. I chose to sign up for Celebrating our Struggles because it seemed to have a focus and purpose for writing. I’ve had my fair share of struggles, so I thought I’d have ample material to write. (The truth is my struggles are no greater or lesser than any other human on the planet!)

Through writing at least ten minutes every day, using prompts provided by two gifted facilitators, and through Saturday morning writing circles, I’ve realized there are things I can change. I can change my relationship to the wounds and pains I’ve experienced. That change doesn’t come from “getting over it” and bull dozing my way through it. It comes from compassionately accepting that stuff happened and changing how I see it as part of my life story.

The difference is I’ve changed my attitude about those hurts and struggles by taking an honest, compassionate look at them and asking “what gift did I receive from this struggle?” What quality do I have that I wouldn’t have but for experiencing those wounds?

There is a practice in Japanese art called kintsugi where broken pottery is repaired with a mixture of lacquer and gold dust. Philosophically it treats brokenness as part of the history of the pottery rather than disguising the repair and hiding it. These pieces of pottery are honored and even prized for their imperfections. I believe by looking at what gifts we received from our wounds and struggles, we are able to see our brokenness as something to celebrate as part of our story. We can “rewrite” our stories. We can re-tell those narratives and redeem the wounds. Those wounds make us who and we can heal them and welcome their gifts.

From the “I learn something new every day” file: Apparently, the Serenity Prayer is attributed to theologian and ethicist, Reinhold Neibuhr (1892-1971) Below is the full version:

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next. 

Questions for your reflection:

We often carry stories of where we’ve felt devastated by situations and carry old wounds. What is your “gold dust and lacquer” that glues the broken pieces together? What wound are you holding onto and why? What would happen if you let go? What would it feel like to redeem your brokenness?  Identify and name what you CAN change.

Choose a story from your life where you experienced pain, reflect on it for a few minutes and then spend ten minutes writing what gifts you have because of your painful experience.  Affirm those gifts every day by writing them on sticky notes. Place those notes throughout your living space.  Daily say them out loud. At the end of your day, say them, review your day and recognize those gifts throughout your day. Thank The Divine with prayers of gratitude. 

Blessings always. Peace and all good,

Christy


(This blog is not intended to serve as individual spiritual direction. Spiritual direction or companioning is typically done face to face in a confidential setting. If you would like to explore one on one spiritual direction, or your faith community or small group would like to experience group spiritual direction, please contact me. In the meantime, my hope is that the photos and this blog serve as a pause in your day, food for thought or just a reminder to breathe in and breathe out all that is holy and good. The Divine Milieu is all around us. Thank you all for your prayers and support.)

The Serenity Prayer – Accepting what I cannot change

In the past few months, the words to the Serenity Prayer became more meaningful for me and gave insight into the nature of being fully human.  I’ve written before about surrender and letting go in other blog entries but this was a bit different.  This was a gentler insight of “ahh, so this what the folks in recovery are talking about.”

The Serenity Prayer is traditionally associated with twelve step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. “Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” 

I’ve known people with addictions. I’ve known and know people in recovery.  I’ve rejoiced over their achievements and cried over their stumbles.  Some overcame incredible odds and rebuilt their once shattered lives.  I’ve witnessed some reunite with their children who had been removed by child welfare agencies. And I’ve known the heartache of seeing some die from addiction.    

I’ve come to believe we are all addicted to something. The Buddhists teach that suffering, dissatisfaction, stress, anxiety or what they call dukkha is caused by deep rooted desires or cravings tanha within us. These cravings appear as deep desires for sensual enjoyment, material gains, or a desire for permanence (immortality). (Sometimes it is a desire to NOT experience or feel, to be numb.) I believe these cravings create barriers to our being fully human, fully awakened, fully alive, But I believe when we become mindful of those things, when we become awakened to those things we think and believe will make us happier, more peaceful, more popular, more [fill in the blank with your more], we can recover from “addiction.”

Several Christian mystics, including St. Francis of Assisi and St. Clare of Assisi, prayed and meditated on the suffering of Jesus at the Crucifixion. They did not dwell on the futility and senselessness of it but instead found comfort in Jesus’ acceptance and surrender. (Philippians 2:8-11)

Brene Brown, one of my favorite writers and motivational speakers said in her TED talk in 2010 that we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted, and medicated adult cohort in the USA.  In general, we’re terribly attached to “stuff” and “things” but we keep consuming and buying.  We overeat or don’t eat the right stuff. We consume an enormous amount of substances to soothe hurts, combat the fear, or ease loneliness.  In 2016, Scientific America reported 1 in 6 Americans take a psychiatric drug. (If my math is right, almost 17% of the American population takes a psychiatric drug.)  We engage in social media, watch endless videos of indifferent cats, dogs surfing or the latest stupid human trick (thanks David Letterman) or worse, reading the threads of posted commentary, or viewing viral videos.

We are more connected through social media, texting, and emails but more and more Americans report profound feelings of loneliness.  Everybody seems to be on their phone appearing to be connected yet feeling alone. Some are so addicted to their phone/screen they walk head down on city streets!

It’s easy to get bummed out and overwhelmed by this.  But hold that thought.  Return to the Serenity prayer.  Sit with the words slowly breathing in and breathing out. “God, help me to accept the things I cannot change”.

Sit for a moment and think of the things that cause you stress and anxiety. Consider how “attached” you are to them or how you feel when you don’t have them or lost them. Ponder news events and notice how you feel. Do you long for change? Have you “wished” for things to be different? Wanting or desiring causes suffering/stress/anxiety. Praying “help me to accept the things I cannot change” releases those cravings and desires.

          What are the things you cannot change?  What would you like to change? What have wished would change and it hasn’t? Are their things from the past you cannot change and yet, you still lament being unable to change them? What would it be like if you stopped lamenting the past and accepted? How would it be if you accepted a part of something you can’t change? Or all of it? What is hard to accept? Why? Who might you have to forgive to accept? Who do you have to accept in order to forgive?

          If you haven’t quite fully accepted something, keep surrendering it and keep praying over and over again until you are able to fully accept. It may take some time. Be patient with yourself.

 Blessings always,

Christy

(This blog is not intended to serve as individual spiritual direction. Spiritual direction or companioning is typically done face to face in a confidential setting. If you would like to explore one on one spiritual direction, or your faith community or small group would like to experience group spiritual direction, please contact me. In the meantime, my hope is that the photos and this blog serve as a pause in your day, food for thought or just a reminder to breathe in and breathe out all that is holy and good. The Divine Milieu is all around us. Thank you all for your prayers and support.)


Musings after a retreat . . . Best Possible Life

Late Autumn when Ice Storms Come

Last week I spent some much needed quiet reflection, prayer, and meditation time for four days at the San Damiano retreat cottage on Michaela Farm in Oldenburg, Indiana.  I am grateful for the opportunity the Sisters of St. Francis provide through the use of this space. The peace and blessings of that time continues to unfold and here are some of my thoughts.

I spent the bulk of my time rereading my journals from December, 2015 to the present before a fire in a cozy fire place.  I thought I could gain a perspective on some things I’m currently experiencing.  In the process of rereading, I  revisited some challenging periods in my life.  In the past three years, I experienced significant losses, including the death of my mother.  I wrestled with movements of the Spirit that seemed to challenge me to live my life in a different way.  The call to see losses and failings as opportunities for growth, renewal and redemption became more evident as I reread and in some cases – rewrote – these stories.  I could now see extruciatingly painful events, feelings of failure, loneliness, and fumbling around in the abyss through new eyes figuratively (and literally since cataract surgery last October!).

The process of rewriting my stories has become the gift I never knew I wanted.  I wrote in previous entries about my participation in story telling workshops with Carrie Newcomer and Diane M. Millis and the gifts of insight and blessing they inspired.  It is and has been the gift that keeps on giving because the wisdom of both workshops continues to unfold.  How we see ourselves is shaped by our past, our present and our future and are seen through stories.  A Zen teacher and friend suggests the past is nothing but stories and the present is something that has not yet occurred.  All we have is the “now”, the present and to learn to be present to it.

Any story can provide a way into our deeper selves and any story can offer something more than just the facts or parts of the story.  I discovered that in my journal entries, something beyond my thoughts or feelings about an event or a book I was reading.  I saw those things in a bigger context and discovered a new significance in the mundane and in those terribly painful events and feelings. I saw “sparkling actions” as David Denborough describes in his book, Retelling the Stories of Our Lives: Everyday Narrative Therapy to Draw Inspiration and Transform Experience. I saw solutions to current problems, anxieties and predicaments I thought had no solutions.  I saw that my life as it is now could never have been but for the upheaval and chaos and pain and loss.

It’s not our nature to embrace pain and chaos and loss.  Befriending it and being compassionate with ourselves is important.  Revisiting and retelling my stories for myself was my way of befriending those unpleasant periods and being compassionate to myself.  I believe all our stories can be redeemed. Out of the ashes, we rise anew –  like the Phoenix.  We see the “sparkling actions” and find solutions to current problems because we have the wisdom of our past.   

For your personal reflection, prayer, journaling, or meditation:

One of the writing exercises I used was one developed by James Pennebaker and Joshua Smyth called the Best Possible Life Exercise.  Here’s what you do: Think about your life in the future.  Imagine that everything has gone as well as it possibly could.  You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all of your life goals.  Think of this as the realization of all of your life derams (as you do, make sure you think about both what you have achieved and how you got there). Now, write about what you imagined.  Pennebaker and Smyth recommend that one do these exercised for four consecutive nights.  1) What is your protagonist’s name? 2) What has she/he found lifegiving? 3) How has she/he overcome or met her/his limitations? 4) What does she/he choose to highlight in her/his life story?

I took the photo above the day after an ice storm came through.  It just seemed to say to me that even in those times when we feel encased and cold and feel as if we’ve failed and are completely alone, the ice eventually melts.  Feeling shut out and cut off doesn’t last forever.  I know there will likely be more days of ice

(This blog is not intended to serve as individual spiritual direction. Spiritual direction or companioning is typically done in a face to face confidential setting. If you would like to explore one on one spiritual direction or your faith community or small group would like to experience group spiritual direction, please contact me. In the meantime, my hope is that the photos and the blog serve as a pause in your day, food for thought or just a reminder to breathe in and breathe out all that is holy and good. The Divine Milieu is all around us. Thank you all for your prayers and support.)